Updated: Apr 29
Something Needs To Change
First things, first. To change, you need to get to the point where you REALISE that Something Needs To Change.
Some people get to this point by themselves. While others need some loving (or FIRM) encouragement and counsel from others or loved ones.
Although you can’t force people to change or grow, our close relationships mold, sharpen and direct us. These close relationships are normally a natural resource of counsel, correction, protection and love.
Do I Need To Change Or Grow?
If you are not sure if there are any areas in your life in which you need to change or grow, take some time to think about the last serious conversation or argument that you had with someone. It might have been with your spouse, a family member, a colleague, your boss, a client, a friend, a foe or fellow motorist. Chances are, that someone has recently pointed out an area in your life Where You Need To Change Or Grow.
People close to you will normally REPEATEDLY tell you what their needs are, and where there is room for growth. To HEAR you need to LISTEN with a heart that has UNDERSTANDING. Have you heard? Have been you been listening? Do you understand?
Sure signs that people are NOT READY to change or grow, is when they are counselled, they:
DENY having a problem;
BLAME others for the problem;
feel UNLOVED or CRITIZED
If you have given counsel to someone and get any of these reactions, back-off. Re-evaluate the relationship boundaries to protect yourself and the relationship, and LOVE them. Loving the broken is a CALLING and an honour. Rather than putting your effort into counselling them, put your effort into PERFECTING your LOVE towards them.
Feeling Criticized, Unloved, Defensive or Offended?
The next time you received counsel (or correction) and afterwards struggle with feeling criticised and unloved, or you became defensive, or offended, critically evaluate the counsel by asking yourself the following questions:
• Does this person love me?
• Did the person have my best interest at heart?
• Would they say or do anything to intentionally hurt me?
• Was what they said true or not? If some of it was true and some not, take what was true and let the rest go.
• What was the person’s intention when they counselled me?
• Was their intention to resolve an issue, to hurt me or blame me?
• Were they trying to correct me?
• Do I need to take responsibility and clean-up my mess?
• Was the intent of their counsel to breakdown or built-up?
• Was the person trying to warn me, protect me or protect the relationship?
• Were they trying to manipulate or control me? Did something else feel off about the counsel?
Critically evaluating counsel received will lead to change, growth, wisdom and understanding.
Taking personal responsibility for the changes and growth that need to occur in your life, is very empowering. You can take responsibility by learning a new skill; going for counselling; studying or getting a teacher in the area where you want to change or grow; working on your mind, body and spirit.
Many people feel hopeless and stuck in circumstances and relationships, because they are waiting for something or someone else to change. While there can be very real and serious relational and circumstantial obstacles that need to be overcome, waiting for circumstances or people to change, and making others completely responsible for ALL the changes and growth that needs to take place in our lives can leave us feeling hopeless, FRUSTRATED and discouraged.
Don’t wait for circumstances or a person to change before you do. Take responsibility by making the changes that you have in your power to make, and grow in the areas where you can grow, while you wait.
Change your focus by finding creative and positive solutions to challenges, obstacles, and situations instead of just focusing on the negative.
Some things are just out of our control. You can’t always control whether circumstance or people change. But you can control YOU. So that is normally the best place to start.